A Day of Shopping

Shopping for me is a very therapeutic event.  I love to go and find fun and cute things for the house, girls, or myself.  Oh and sometimes Hoff. Hehe. My favorite store in the whole wide world is Target.  That place is the devil I tell you but man do I love to shop there.  I even have their credit card which, with every use you get 5% off!  It's a beautiful thing....shopping.  That is until you add two munchkins into the mix.  I wanted to tell you guys a story of a random shopping trip, that happened to happen today. 
Well, we never can seem to get out of our house until after 10.  By then, we'll  be eating lunch by the time we get to Omaha and I briefly thought about packing a lunch for us all (pbj's), but quickly sushed that idea as I was doing the dishes and trying to get girls ready.  Good God!  Look at me!?  I really should take a shower, but both girls are awake, Gracie knows how to open the sliding glass door, food is being eaten - don't want a choking disaster, so, I will go as the scurvy looking mom.  Toss that hair into a bun, throw on a little makeup so I don't look THAT bad, comfy clothes - lots of lifting and wha-la; I'm  ready!  Lets not forget any essentials - diapers, extra set of clothes(for pee accidents), milk, pacifier, toys to play with, my phone.  Ok, I think we can leave now.
First stop, Old Navy.  Darn you oldnavy.com for not having the capri's in the colors or sizes that I need.  Delivery right to my doorstop is such a luxury!  Parking space, parking space - not one to be had near the store entrance.  They were all taken up by the 20 yr old who only has to carry her purse into the store.  Thank you - I'll go park over in the north 40 parking lot, get the stroller out, get my purse, and grab both girls and walk two blocks to my only destination at this mall.  The only bright side of the trip is that they totally had all sizes and colors of capris that I WANTED!  That NEVER happens!   As I am picking capris, shorts, and shirts out for the girls, Gracie had noticed a huge gumball machine of bouncy balls. "I want one Mom.  Get some money" was said over 50 times.  I told her over 100 times, "No!  Get over here! A mean man is going to get you!"  She would grab frilly skirts put them up to herself and do a little dance with them saying "Look at this Mom!"  Gracie was born with a natural shopping instinct.  She will grab clothes off hooks and say things like, "this is cute",  "look at this", "we have to buy this", "don't you like it?". She's a hoot!  Meanwhile,  Evie in the stroller is getting angry that Gracie gets to run around and wants out. Here's were a secret weapon comes in....the pacifier! Shut her up - kinda. Here - play with this shirt.  Let's take a brief look at the clearance  section and we are out of here!  Back to the car - stroller loaded, girls loaded, ON bag of goodies loaded. Start the car and then it happened, "Mom, I have to need to go potty!"  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  "Why didn't you tell me in the store?"  "I don't know". Well, I wasn't going to stop anywhere else at this mall, but Baby Gap has a better bathroom than Walmart (next and final stop).  So, once again park in north 40, process repeat minus stroller - this was a quick in( not really), out, and look around.
Got to the car, 11:48.  We better get something to eat. "Gracie. What do you want  to eat?"  "I want hotdogs, french fries, and chicken nuggets" Ok. Runza it is.  I really would like to feed these girls healthier meals on the go, but sit down style dining establishments and two hyper kids who would rather run around than eat don't mix and  I don't get to eat (previous Panera experience).  Drive thru food is SOOO mommy friendly cause both kids eat strapped in their seats! Of course, Evie fell asleep on the drive over and we ate our Runza in the Walmart parking lot.  Gracie was supposed to share her corndogs with Evie and she ate all of them.  Evie gets a meal of FF. Hope she enjoys - maybe we can find something else in Walmart.  Evie had to eat while we shopped - 30 minutes in the car was long enough!
Wipe off the cart - yucky people shop here.  I hate shopping at Walmart. Makes me feel welfarish - although we fit right into the surroundings today! (I have to limit my trips to Target - I spend too much money there) Get Yogi the Bear DVD - one of our items on my mental shopping list. Looked up Nebraska Furniture Mart price before I left home - $11.99!  Out to garden area - browsing and getting more excited for spring! Next, hair aisle - we are always loosing barrets. Barretts. Check. Let's move on. "Mom. Look!"  A princess crown/headband. Ok, all yours are broke so get 2 so there no fighting! Ok, let's go. "Mom!" Gracie had found a small tote full of hairpieces for little girls. "I'm not buying that Gracie." She ignores me and walks right along holding it. "Gracie! I'm not buying that!" Now the waterworks starts leaking. Oh, the drama. "Pick which one do you want crown or tote?" Crying, crying, crying. At least she wasn't wailing.  "You made Gracie sad and mad.  You made Gracie cry."  I gotta teach her not to speak in 3rd person - hate that.  Her little sad face and comment made me break down, "Fine."  Instant smile face - she know how to work the system - tricky little stinker.  I did put the strikedown, though, on $1 sand toys - YES! VICTORY!
We continued with our shopping - Evie ate her FF sitting in the top part of the cart, Gracie followed loosely behind us about 8 ft stopping every few steps  to check something out, which then I had to stop and yell at her, "Come on Gracie! I'm leaving. Someone is going to get you and you'll never see Mommy and Daddy, and Evie ever again and you will cry!" Little extreme maybe, but  you never know!  We are getting near the end! Cereal aisle ... hummm...I think I have a coupon for some of these.  Stop, bust out the coupons, start looking them over and "Mom! I have to need to go potty; I'm gonna pee my pants!"  as she's holding her crotch running  up and down the aisle. OMG.  If someone would have taken a picture of my face it would not have looked  very pretty. "Let's go. Come on!" I take off quickly walking cause my goodness, she was about to pee her pants (although she says this often - I don't think its true). What's she doing?  Lollygagging along just as she did before, checking everything out.  "Come on Gracie! You better not pee your pants!"  We were walking down the main aisle to the front of the store - taking up the whole thing - I was in the right lane, Gracie in the wrong/left lane.  A younger lady on a scooter was coming up the aisle (left lane) heading straight for Gracie.  I tell her and motion, "Gracie - get over here".  She ignores me and couple seconds later looks up and sees this lady coming at her. She takes a stance, puts on a surprise face, and yells, "AHHHHHH" like the lady was going to run her over and then just moves out of the way.  Now, that was some funny shit; hope that lady didn't get mad cause all I could do was just laugh.
Bathrooms are my worst nightmare when we are out shopping, unless it is Target, cause they have family bathrooms that I can wheel my cart right into and Evie can stay sitting.  Stop outside the bathrooms; take all valuables; remind everyone "Don't touch ANYTHING!"; line toilet seat with toilet paper; yell at Evie for touching EVERYTHING and then Gracie for touching EVERYTHING and opening the door while I was going to the bathroom; lets all wash our hands - Evie first; sit her on the sink so she don't run away while I was Gracie's; re-wash Evie hands she was playing in the sink. Ok, I think we're done.  That only took us 10 minutes or so. 
Back to cereal aisle. Return to checking out my coupons - none for Frosted Flakes - of course. That always happens - I have coupons for cereals I don't need. Anyways, you usually have to buy 3 boxes to get 30 cents off - what's the point.
Moving on and quickly. Finally getting towards the front of the store again. Produce aisle.  Gracie does NOT listen to me telling her to "Quit THAT!"  as she puts various fruits and vegetables (3  times) on her mouth and pretends to eat them.  I keep my head down so I don't have to see the disapproving looks on all the skodes faces. Let's get outta here - Oh shit!  I forgot the girls are out of soap.  Let's walk alllll the way back across the width of Walmart  to get soap. Last thing - almost done.  Have to yell at Gracie a couple times to "Keep up!"  Striked down the pleading for the $1 sandtoys AGAIN!  We made it! The check out lines!
I am pretty good at picking the person who is the slowest, even though I think they will be the quickest. But, I did good today.  I start putting our stuff on the conveyor  belt and Gracie hops up on the side of the cart to get something out to help. I didn't exactly see what happened, but Gracie ended up falling on the floor - throwing the glass cleaner across the floor as she fell.  The lazy son-of-a-b***h man waiting for his wife to check out ahead of us pretended not to see the glass cleaner land by him and didn't offer any sort of helping hand. Thanks.  I'm running to pick that up, while looking back at poor Gracie, who's inital shock face quickly turned into out-loud crying. She hurt her butt.  I pick her up and hug her as she crys and still try to throw crap on the conveyor belt. There are people lining up behind us. Now, Evie's concerned that Gracie is crying, but she is more concerned that I am holding Gracie and not her and she starts reaching for me and standing up in the seat part of the cart.  I can't  do everything.  I have to tell her "No. Sit down Evie" as I push her to sit back down.  Had no one saw me do this - they would've thought I beat the shit out of her cause she started crying very loudly - well not at first - it was a cry where the first 5 seconds were silent. You know that cry. Now both girls are crying. I do not make eye contact with anyone except the cashier - people must think I'm crazy for bring kids shopping  and I'm sure are annoyed with all the crying.  Put coats and hats on; paid; loaded bags in cart and out the door. *Sigh* 
Put the girls in their car seats, pack groceries in, and off we head for home. As I was driving, I remembered I forgot to have them price match Yogi Bear with NFM - garsh darnit.  I did use a few coupons, though. Once there, bring both sleeping girls in and sneakily take off coats,  hats, shoes, and re apply new diapers without waking them up.  Bring in groceries and put away cold items.  Go back out and clean out the car, then finish putting stuff away.  The trip is done.  Couple hours to myself while they nap, then time to make supper.  Probably won't clean up til the morning - shopping trips are exhausting! We are waiting for Hoff to get home to watch Yogi Bear.  So.  Who wants to go shopping with me? Hahahahahaha.